Random blather

Hello 2014

Consider this Part 2 to yesterday's post

Hello 2014. 

I recently came across a guiding quote in this fantastic book I'm reading:

Trying without doing is wishing rather than choosing. You either have a plan in place or you are choosing not to act. "This being the case, how shall I proceed?" is a Zen saying that shows the automatic, assertive progression from circumstance to action. 
- David Richo in "How to be an Adult"

Oh, the promise of new beginnings, new opportunities, new versions of ourselves... There are some ways of being I've been learning this past year that I am planning to continue with this coming year, so I thought I'd share them. These ways of being form my plan - or at least the base of it. The rest is all details for now.

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Goodbye 2013

Goodbye 2013. 

You rivaled 2012 for how shitty I often felt, both physically and emotionally. But I also had some reprieves and glimmers of hope, showing me that change may be slow, but it's still possible. 

You were at once one of the hardest and most important years of my life. I'm tempted to say "good riddance", but that wouldn't be quite right...instead I'll say thank you.

Read more...

The difference a few weeks makes

For a while now, I've been questioning whether or not Vancouver feels like home. Just a few weeks ago, I was ready to throw in the towel and give somewhere else a shot. 

wilting hydrangeas

Even if it meant leaving my amazing healthcare team, renting out our house, and (dog forbid) moving. I was just sick of being here! (This sentiment seems to come in waves and this was a particularly strong one.)

Maybe it was getting a more modest response to our call for community than I'd hoped for. Maybe it was seeing the year speed and wondering what I have to show for it (it's actually a lot, but it's not very visible). Maybe it was having a particularly bad, out of the blue, fatigue flare up that I expected to thwart some plans I'd been looking forward to. Whatever sparked it, it felt like absolute defeat.

Life is weird and other stories

So, I was thinking this morning... life is weird. Stupid small things seem so important when they're not, we fuck up on the most critical stuff all the time, we hurt each other, and love each other, and it's all so fragile and gone in the blink of an eye. 

Read more...

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Simplify, simplify

Since my creative energy started flowing again over the last several months, I've been frittering a lot of time away on various projects. Writing Chronically Yours, sewing, drawing, painting, working on my 365 project. That on top of the usual things I do these days: self care (sleep/eat/exercise as able; go to appointments/get tests/take supplements and medications), house stuff, garden maintenance; rest, rest, rest... I've been feeling a little all over the place. Not exactly what I was going for.

Choices

You got to push, got to shove
I've got to eat before they eat me
Got the crown and the cup
I've got to write to my family
And say, "I'm calm and feeling warm."
I'm not quite there, but I'm close
And it's a world of difference​

Why don't we talk about it?

I was surprised how much (mostly private) feedback I got about a couple of my recent writings on friends and on health.

Almost every email, comment, private message, etc. I got about these posts was some form of this (paraphrased): "Wow, thank you for writing about this, I have totally been struggling with this so much and it's a relief to know I am not alone and/or get some info or insight about it."

How to be friends

How to be friends. This is something that I thought I knew how to do. The last year upon the last five years has got me seriously doubting this... It turns out I most likely know nothing.

Choosing kindness

Wow, I'm on some kind of blogging rampage! I can't help it, I need to get this stuff out of my brain!

I posted on Facebook earlier saying:

I'm really glad that my sensitivity meter is not on overdrive these days, and that I'm starting to just call bad behaviour what it is, instead of feeling like I brought it on somehow and that it reflects on my worth as a person.

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