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Things have been go-go-go since coming back from Europe at the start of September. It is finally catching up to me. I am feeling tired and burnt out these days. This sucks, because there are a lot of good things going on, and I'm not sure I'm enjoying them as much as I could be.

On the bright side, it's four more weeks until I get two glorious weeks off! During this time, I plan to retreat to the frigid flatlands for a while, to sit by the fire with the dog curled up next to me, and read and work on Drupal Docs. Ahhh, bliss.

One of the good things that was to come during year 30 happened right off the bat last week. I was appointed Drupal Documentation Co-Lead! The same day as that news was announced, my "Contributor Spotlight" also went up on Drupal.org. It was such a wonderful thing to have all my work recognized (since it's usually fairly solitary work), and feel so much support from the rest of the community.

I have lots of ideas and hopes and plans for the docs. Just need to set aside some time and energy for it. There are a bunch of core members of the Docs Team coming to Vancouver from all over North America in December for a big planning and review session, and then an all day sprint. It will be great seeing everyone, and hopefully re-energizing as well.

Other things that are good, in no particular order:

1. Started reading Generation X by Douglas Coupland, and I quite like it so far.
2. In-suite laundry, bless it.
3. Snow in Vancouver.
4. Sappy movies.
5. Warm slippers.
6. That secret that we know.
7. Smath gives good hugs.
8. The Home Hardware on Commercial (seriously, I love this place).
9. The steamer my mom bought when they were out, because I refused to go get one. It is making a dent in saving my lungs. (Radiant heating is incredibly drying, who knew.)
10. Surprise phone calls from cousins.
11. Ridiculously long Skype calls on lazy weekend days.
12. Fantastic Drupalchix tagteam that brought me surprise coconut milk yogurt from the US yesterday (thank you!) <3

Before we get started, here's some new LCD Soundsystem for your listening enjoyment... (Awesome, SteveK, your tip about just shrinking the height on the YouTube player works!!!)

Much of my thoughts go like an agile retrospective these days... project management is permeating my thinking patterns.

Good

• I made it to DrupalCon San Francisco, and despite being sick and going late, had a great time, and rested lots so I got better and not sicker while I was there.
• Over the flu. After shaking the death cough, my lungs actually feeling better than they have in over a year and a half. My voice is back which makes me very happy, except my high singing range, but I'm sure that will return with a little more time.
• Work is busy. I feel like I am being effective, and like my hard work over the last year and a half is paying off making things run smoothly, having everyone feel self-actualized, having happy clients, and getting to do the kind of work we enjoy.
• I feel more appreciated and at peace in various aspects of my life than I have in a long time. (Ever?)
• Eating lots of good food; I have gained back about 2.5 of the 8.5 pounds I lost since February. Might not seem like much but I was worried it would be even harder to gain anything back.
• Got a crapload of blood tests done last weekend, and they all came back normal. I was getting lots of bruising, but I can safely assume now that it is just from being a bit malnutritioned, and that some steady Vit C intake will fix me up.
• Also, I went back to the old walk-in clinic I used to go to before I started hunting for a GP...Holy I forgot how much better a couple of the docs there are. 
• I've mostly been sleeping a lot better lately, and sleeping/waking earlier than is normal for me. It's felt very odd, but in a good way. I doubt it will last much longer, but it's been nice.
• I have been feeling more relaxed in general. I like this. I'm pretty sure the people around me like it too.
• I have more spoons lately.
• I've been doing a better job at keeping a balance, taking care of myself, asking for help, not being mad at myself for not feeling well.
• Oh, and my Drupal Voices podcast that was recorded at the conference was posted this week!

Bad

• My stomach is still generally feeling awful, more awful than normal, as has been the case since last summer. (Luckily looks like I'm gonna get a referral to a new, hopefully more helpful, GI doc when walk-in doc is back from vacation.)
• My apartment is getting more construction. It makes me crazy. I am househunting. I don't find moving fun.
• My back and neck have been fucking killing me lately. Too much computer and sickness, not enough yoga and off-computer time.
• I ate moldy soy yogurt today. No biggie, just gross.
• I don't have much Drupal Docs mojo right now.
• I really, really miss several beloved friends who are not here.
• Not sure if this is really a "bad" but I'm not sure going to DrupalCon Copenhagen is really going to be the best thing for me right now.

Do differently next time

• Get annual flu shot. It's just not worth getting the flu (I've had it 4 times in 3 years since moving downtown!)
• Not stand for useless and/or rude doctors.
• Not eat suspicious soy yogurt. (I have made this mistake more than once now.)
• Do more yoga! Do more yoga! Do more yoga! When will I learn?

1. Quiet
2. Going back to the office
3. Spring flowers
4. Views ninja skillz
5. Dropping my good camera hard and it being completely fine
6. Clean desk
7. Digesting = Energy
8. Amazing girlfriends (even when some are far away)
9. Apricot pate
10. New Jay Malinowski album

I can see it all on the horizon. Or, I think I can... Maybe it is just the light in the distance playing tricks with my eyes. No. There is something there. Leave the fear behind. All I can do is take steps toward it each day. And be where I am.

For a myriad of reasons, last week generally sucked. I think I'm getting better at shaking it off though, so that's something. But it wasn't all bad. Time for a list of all that is good. Focus, focus, focus on that, and I will keep on the right track.

1. Friday I got the extremely good news that my mom had gotten a clean bill of health after getting a scary call from the doctor at the start of the week. I couldn't even tell people about it cause I was so freaked out.
2. Also, some other great news, was that Sam (Scott's girlfriend) got approved for a three year visa to come back to Canada. This is super exciting, as I miss them dearly, and it means they can come back later in the year for another visit (or if we're lucky to stay for a while)!
3. Got a good amount of work done, despite feeling crappy and working from home most of the week.
4. Had a nice, unplanned, relaxed day yesterday, meandering after lunch with Rachael in the glorious sunshine, and then hanging out while Boris cut up and cooked his haul of meat (mmmm... delicious pork).
5. Sleeping a ton. I slept almost 10 hours a night the last three nights, and finally feel almost un-tired from last weekend.
6. Finally replacing my Proof trade paperbacks (got one, and the other two are on order) that I somewhat naively lent out and didn't get back. Live and learn.
7. Funny phone conversations with my dad.
8. Cute boys!
9. Hilarious tiny dogs in sweaters.
10. Getting nice emails back from my cousins.
11. Spending all day today lounging and Drupalling.

I waffled back and forth on whether to even make intentions for this coming year (and then whether to publish them anywhere). I had been practicing existing without having a plan, and just seeing where life takes me. Thing is, having ended up in a place I didn't expect, I never really thought about where my current self could go. It's all fine and good seeing where things go, but I don't like just letting life happen to me, I want to make the life I want a reality. And so, it becomes time to think about what that means. It's fine if these intentions aren't fulfilled, there is no failure, there is only learning and doing better next time.

1. Cease to act based on fear. Go on the offensive in all aspects of life.

2. Remember how to hope, how to be ambitious. (And know that it doesn't jinx me, creating expectations that can't be met.)

3. Be truly kind and compassionate to myself.

4. Cultivate and maintain inner peace. Don't sweat the small stuff.

5. Set some longer term intentions related to career.

6. Find a place to live where I really feel like home. (And not let this hinge on another person's involvement.)

7. Stop rushing. "Take it easy. Enjoy your life."

8. Be a leader. Be a mentor. Keep learning. Be awesome.

9. Spend more casual, spontaneous, unstructured time with loved ones. (We are all too busy.)

10. Remember how to let myself fall in love, and be loved in return.

While we're here
let's see what happens,
what we got, got, got to lose?
While the tidal
and flexed on a full moon,
it'd be a sure, sure shame to not to.
Do it for England.
Do it for love.
Do it for us.
Do it for goodness sake.
Do it for all the time we wished we had.
Do what you want,
just how you like,
nobody has to know.
- Imogene Heap "Tidal"

My gosh, I don't know if things are actually really crazy right now, or if I'm just burnt out and tired of my stomach giving me grief.  Whatever is going on, I know I have been feeling super stressed and scattered, and crazy exhausted.  Sucks, cause I use all my energy up on work and then spend my Friday nights watching The Wedge (aka. one of the two only good shows left on MuchMusic - the other is Going Coastal) and knitting.  Granted, there are worse things in the world, but I'd frankly rather be out hanging with some lovely people!

Things have actually been busy though, I feel like work has been busy and my weekends have been packed, so I guess I do need some downtime - I just wish I was one of those super energetic people who could do it all.

I know I need to be putting some more energy into self care in the exercise department, it's tough when I have a stomach ache all the time, but it is no good for me when I'm working on the computer all the time and then not exercising much (especially when my massage therapist is away!) Makes for much hurtiness.

Anyway, scraping together some scraps of positivity for the week:

1. Bought some new t-shirts from Threadless
2. Dahlias
3. Umair Haque's great writing 
4. This ridiculous photo of Kara's dog stuck in the sleeve of a sweatshirt
5. Intestine socks (see above)
6. Zoe being hilarious
7. Rain
8. Marbled halvah [Wikipedia]