That is for you.

I am sad today.

Most times when I feel sad, I try and do something that will cheer me up.  Get out, go for a bike ride, phone someone I love, buy a new book, eat some chocolate... you know, standard things.  But I have done a lot already this weekend, in fact the most I have in about a month and a half, and I don't feel like doing much more. So instead I'm just going to feel how I feel and read my book and maybe some Dwell magazine, and look at my pretty dahlias, and eat raspberry cake, and be okay with these things not cheering me up.

I don't have a specific reason to be sad today.  In fact, I got some great news a few days ago.  I should be excited and greatful, but the thing is that the great news just means that there is nothing I can do about what's going on, and so there will be more of the same, and that is frustrating.

Maybe it's hormones.  Crazy hormones, it's so easy to blame you, I never know what you're up to.

Maybe it's that I wore my new amazing dress today, but then it got cloudy and I had to change into shorts and a hoody.

Maybe it's that I need to start a single friends club so that when the weekend rolls around and all of my friends grab their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife and head out of town for the weekend I have a crew to chill with.  (I realize that the context of this post might not make that sound fun, but seriously people, I can't be the only one in this predicament, and I'm usually a lot of fun! Someone vouch for me here!)

Maybe it's that every time my body seems to start functioning at a somewhat normal level, something new goes wrong and it makes it really difficult to trust my health enough to make plans or look forward to anything.

Maybe it's that it's been a long time since I've had a real partner in crime, and I've forgotten what it feels like to be amazed by another person's awesomeness.

Maybe my boss is right and I just need to find a vice.

Maybe it's that nearly a year later, I still miss my friend every day, and I don't know what to do about it.

Maybe it's none of that and you know what it is.  Do you?  And don't worry about offending me, because this too shall pass, and I'm sure I'll be over it tomorrow.

Do you have doubts about your life? Are you unsure if it is worth the trouble? Look at the sky: that is for you. Look at each person's face as you pass on the street: those faces are for you. And the street itself, and the ground under the street, and the ball of fire underneath the ground: all these things are for you. They are as much for you as they are for other people. Remember this when you wake up in the morning and think you have nothing. Stand up and face the east. Now praise the sky and praise the light within each person under the sky. It's okay to be unsure. But praise, praise, praise.

'The Shared Patio.' No one belongs here more than you. By Miranda July. [Also on Amazon.com, but you should SERIOUSLY click the first link instead, it's awesome. Trust me. Do it.]