You’ll be alright, for now…

If the things you mention are related to relationships with friends, they take a surprisingly long time to resolve. And it is okay, though it doesn't feel okay right now, but it will be at some unspecified time at a later date. How's that for comforting? :D Of course you are going to feel a certain way about it, and you just have to patient with it.

Well that's one of the things...and it sure doesn't feel okay. I don't know why this stuff's got to be so difficult sometimes. I swear I could handle it all a lot better if I didn't feel totally wretched as well, but my stomach's worst opponent is stress, and I'm sure you have a good idea of how my last week was. I haven't felt this bad in quite a while (and being stuck out of my apartment for the night doesn't help any). But I know, I just have to wait it out. Patience doesn't always come so easy to me...

whether i can make *you* believe it or not, *I* believe that you will be okay.
You are well down the road to okay already. Some of the things that you did this week were amazingly strong. I think you need to remind yourself of that- that what you were able to do and handle, you certainly could not have done or handled 6 years ago. I see how you are growing bit by bit, stronger inch by inch.
That tells me that you have acquired some of, and are acquiring more of, the skills that you will need to be okay, now and as you go into your future.

i love you so much.

I have some life-experience with respect to physical illness, but have been blessed with supportive friends and family to get me through the toughest times. I'm sorry you are so alone right now. For what it's worth, I *never* believed it when they said I'd get better with time. But I did. I now see that people were right. I trust them, but in hind-sight.

My favourite words these days are "one day at a time". It is a great way to live life. It is a gift to be forced to live one day at a time. A gift.

kz--i love you too :-) thanks for saying that, it's not easy to think that i've actually made progress when things seem to just go in cycles...it's easy to just let the disappointment overshadow everything instead.

it was so wonderful getting to spend some time with you again, you're being very strong too, and i'm so proud of you <3

airdrie--that is the understatement of the year, you're like the poster girl for being strong under challenging circumstances. it's reassuring to hear that from someone who's facing challenges that seem so much bigger than mine, though i know that everyone's challenges are their own and can't really be compared that way.

your comment triggered something interesting "I'm sorry you're so alone right now"--i was about to go on the defensive and say that i'm not alone, but then i realized that's a big part of why i'm feeling so sad, i DO feel alone, and just wasn't really acknowledging it. the irony is that i'm really not alone, this time i have a pretty decent support system, and that it's ME that's isolating myself (which is a bad habit i hadn't fully realized i was falling back into) and not letting people help me. it's a self defense thing, and it's not helpful. so thank you for that bit of insight. one day at a time, indeed...might take a while before i can see it as a gift, but the old mantra is being resurrected.

first, with everything that's happened, i think you should give yourself a hug just for making it through day to day. even though it seems like there's more stuff falling apart around you instead of building up - think of where you were maybe a year ago? you seem much wiser, and have built up around yourself a life that might not be perfect, or even good, but you like. you had the strength to start a job in a field unrelated to your degree - then, when you realized it wasn't working out, you had the strength to walk away and find something better. you put together an entire conference, and became part of a community that gave you skills to find your job-to-be. the whole time, being you, i feel like you felt you could always be doing more. but you do more than most people do, it just never feels like much day-to-day. as for the other bad, hurt-y stuff - it might never stop hurting in the way you want it to, and it might never make sense, and i don't want to say things work themselves out - sometimes they dont. but i think people work themselves out in a way enough to deal with the badness, and i have faith that you can. alright, big hug, hope this finds you in an okay-er mood. :)

Yes, I have learned that it's ok to lean on other people, ask for help, build your support network. It is impossible to go it alone, and no-one expects people to live in isolation. Just the opposite. By reaching out to people in your support network, those people feel that you are now part of their support network too. It is mutually supportive.

Airdrie--yeah, i know it, it can just be hard to push myself out of my comfort zone when my tendency is to want to just hermit. :-)

Alex--okay, well if i start saying that NOTHING good happened this year, you have full permission to smack me and then repeat what you said above. ;-) i am feeling a bit better this afternoon (spent the entire day cleaning and moving furniture, which was a good distraction...) and just trying to get back into a routine of some sort! plus your regular doses of realistic positivity have been very helpful, it's so funny how things work out...

[...] have been very candid and forthright about their struggles with their health online, showing incredible strength and grace, and have inspired me to write about my situation right [...]